Headlines - News & Commentary

THURSDAY LATE EDITION

WICHITA (LPs Wire)
Unsolicited Comments
Ripping Today's Headlines

ROME (Reuters)
Rome bans goldfish bowls
Bowling with fish considered cruel

LONDON (Reuters)
Alien abductees prone to false memories?
Ya think?

WASHINGTON (Reuters)
Gang tattoos hinder job prospects?
Again, ya think?

NEW YORK (Reuters)
Exxon Mobil posts record U.S. profit
Could it be . . . Katrina?

OMAHA, Neb. (AP)
Robots May Allow Surgery in Space
NASA to check with HAL first

Now You Try It
NEW YORK (AP)
Presley Tops Forbes' Dead Celebrities List
Dane: Singer could not be reached for comment
or Singer was disqualified after appearing at 7-eleven for nachos
Beth: Accuses Forbes of slander, announces tour with the Rolling Stones in 2020
You: Your solicited comment here . . .

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